**This post was originally written the day after the American Presidential election. I ended up not posting it, as I felt it would get lost in the thousands of ranting posts out there. Well here it is. One more ranty post for you. I've added an updated rant at the bottom**
November 2016:
Am I making this post due to recent political events? Maybe. But not entirely. I just have a few thoughts I want to share.
I was more than lucky the way I was raised and by whom I was raised, and one of the reasons I was lucky was I grew up honestly thinking girls and boys were equal. Men and women were equal. I didn't question for a minute that there would be any difference between my life and a boy's.
I didn't think too much about it when the boys teams would get wildly upset if they lost to my girls' team in hockey. I didn't question it when in junior high we were told we needed to watch what we wore so we didn't distract the boys. I was only slightly bugged that in every tv commercial selling cleaning products a woman was featured, the ones for kids' board games had the boys winning, and shows like The Fresh Prince of Belair (which I love) glorified a guy who played girls - only hot girls of course - and made fun of those darn ditsy women (thanks Hilary Banks).
I started to think it was odd when people would be surprised when they saw the marks I got on a university midterm. Or when guys would say things like "you're actually funny" as if it was a surprise. I began to notice how I was treated differently on days I didn't wear a big, baggy sweatshirt to class.
Then I led volunteer projects in the Dominican Republic. It was an amazing experience, and it was also an awakening in a lot of ways. I led my first few projects with a male partner, who continuously pointed out how different men and women were. Women are always talking, women are emotional, women don't think the same way. I'm not saying he was wrong, but I didn't see these things as a weakness. It took me weeks to earn his respect, weeks before he admitted he would've been lost without me there, weeks before he outwardly asked me for help. Weeks longer than he easily gave his respect to the other male lead we'd meet with once every two weeks.
The same summer, I then moved to lead another project with another male partner. He was quieter, didn't say anything to make me think he thought less of me because I was a woman. But he showed me.
We were building a house for a family, starting with the foundation, as well as working with the children in the village. I was in charge of the children's program, my partner in charge of the construction. I walked by the site and they were having trouble. I asked what was going on and my partner told me the cement wasn't hardening fast enough, it was too wet. I looked around and suggested they use some of the gravel/dirt that the road was made out of and stir it in to thicken it up. I even took a shovel and added a bit. He and the Dominican workers said it wouldn't work, with a chuckle, and essentially patted me on the head to send me on my way. Silly woman. Go run now and play with the kids. Look at her in her tank top and shorts.
I left and when I walked by a half hour later, guess what they were doing? I went over and my partner literally described to me how they were mixing gravel/dirt from the road and the cement was thickening up. He explained it like he and the guys had thought of it. I didn't even know what to say.
He later admitted he would not have completed the project without me. Only took a month to earn his respect.
But these are petty things to what I witnessed in terms of what it means to be a woman while I was in the Dominican. I saw that when girls turned about seven or eight years old, they no longer got to play like the boys did. They had little baby brothers or sisters on their hips or they were in the houses cleaning. I learned how little girls could not go out to use the bathroom at night because it was common knowledge men would pull them into the sugar cane fields and rape them. I learned that men would go to the poor Haitian refugee villages and find pretty young girls to turn them into prostitutes. One time I was out for dinner and overheard two large, old white men bragging to each other about the things they had done with their young prostitutes the night before. As I sat there shaking with rage, knowing what kind of conditions those girls came from and what choices they had in life, I wondered what I could possibly say to them. What kind of consideration would those kinds of people give to words from "some emotional woman"? I noticed many half caucasian children in the poor villages, being raised by their young, Haitian mothers. Wonder where the dads were?
I know it's different in Canada. But is it? When there are stories about guys taking advantage of girls who've had too much to drink, the first thing people tend to think is "those girls have to be more careful. They shouldn't drink that much" What??? How is that the thought?? We still have men thinking they can speak up about what a woman chooses to do with her body. We still have inequality when it comes to pay, which blows my mind. I'm lucky to have a government job so I don't experience this. However, it all comes back to the amount of time I need to prove myself, the amount of time I need to put in to earn respect, when it is immediately given to my male counterparts. I'm not complaining, I know that's just how it is. And the terrible part is, this is not just when it comes to interactions with men - it goes for fellow women as well.
In fact, women are the worst culprits. We are terrible to each other. We are way harder on each other than men are on us. And God forbid someone's younger or prettier than you, immediately start looking for a reason to hate them. More successful than you? Well they must suck at something. Running for president? Not on my watch. Let's find a reason to pick her apart, that b*tch.
I am not necessarily a feminist - although, if I was, there's nothing wrong with that - and I'm absolutely not against men at all. I'm just saying it like it is. And when I said "feminist" why did you want to roll your eyes? Because there's a negative connotation with that word and what it stands for.
It's about equality, not being better than men, just being equal.
I am constantly underestimated. The interesting this is, not when it comes to my students. Because I'm their teacher, respect is something that comes intrinsically with the role, so they don't question it. They don't look at me like I'm a woman (at least, not until their hormones start flying around spring time) they look at me like I'm their teacher who has important things to say. It's a nice feeling to have people assume you have something to contribute rather than assume you don't.
**I'd like to give a shout out to my husband, who has said from the beginning how much he loves me for my brain - one of the only guys to make me feel like my mind and personality are the most important parts of me. The other guys being my brothers and my dad.**
Women have come a long way, a very long way. However, technology, social media and the internet are doing their part to make sure we take a few steps back every day. This is happening in the form of images young girls feel they have to live up to, not just because they see them in ads but now because they're also all over their social media feeds in all their filtered glory. Here's an app that puts pretty flowers on your head, makes your eyes bigger and face more slender. Here's countless pictures of girls posing in underwear in front of their bathroom mirrors, in fact, add your own! Don't worry, you can edit the picture to make yourself as skinny as the other girls on your friends list.
Hey fellas, we're you starting to think girls were your equal and not just there to make you happy? Don't worry, the internet has billions of videos - full of incredibly unrealistic situations - showing you that girls do in fact exist for your every desire and whim with no type of clarification that the videos are just as much fiction as Avatar (you can probably actually find Avatar themed ones). Start secretly watching these videos at age twelve, until indefinitely, then somehow go about your daily life treating the girls and women around you with respect and as equals - without picturing them naked. Thanks internet.
With all of this being said, call me crazy that for a moment I was excited to see a woman in the position of power that is the President of the United States. Go ahead, say something like, "well we just didn't want it to be her". That's ridiculous.
I could go on about how her competition is literally a joke that's gone on too far, but that would take away from the fact that she should have won regardless. She was exactly what the world needed. And anyone with crap to say about all the "backroom deals" and "shiftiness": where did you find out all this intel? Didn't know civilians were privy to top secret FBI info. Ever thought the media could've made some things up? Exaggerated some things? Why would the media ever do that?!
The reality is, if she were a man, she would've been elected. That's that. But people are more comfortable with a loud man shouting "black people are lazy, Mexicans are rapists, grab her in the p***y" than they are having a woman for a leader.
When this happened, I was pretty discouraged, along with a world of people. I was discouraged because this man had done and said countless terrible things, throughout his entire business career and life in general, and had still won against a woman - and I had to somehow explain this to the students in my class.
They had been watching the campaign alongside a world of children, and were equally shocked and dismayed as I was. Not because I had swayed them in any direction, but because they see it like it is.
In school we talk about accepting and appreciating differences, we talk about how girls and boys should be treated the same, we talk about how every race, religion and culture is equal, we discuss how we need to protect the environment and start making some changes to reduce the effects of climate change, and since kindergarten, we've ingrained it into the kids to share, speak politely to others, keep your hands and feet to yourself, and to BE KIND. Then a man who is literally spewing the opposite of all of these things comes along and is chosen to represent a country. The kids are confused.
I was confused.
Then I finally realized, for once and for all, that it's a man's world. That's just it.
What has happened just solidified my thoughts on this. And to clarify something: if you actually try to justify what's happened here, you will not change my opinion about this situation - you will change my opinion of you.
I know there are things I will not agree on with everyone I meet. I know there are controversial topics I need to avoid with certain people in my life because I care about my relationship with them even though I don't understand how they can think the way they do. This is life.
But I don't think there's anyone out there who can disagree that it's a man's world. I used to hear that saying and roll my eyes. But my eyes have stopped rolling.
To reiterate something one more time: I am not saying anything against men. That's not at all what this is about. This is me just venting about my realization that this is - somehow - how it is. I'm not looking for a debate and I'm not trying to talk solely about the election (that would be a nine-thousand page post on its own).
I want girls and women out there to know that although you may not be considered as equal to men, and although it may take more work for you to be respected or taken seriously, we have a way of succeeding: wishing success on each other. Speaking kindly about each other. Not outwardly judging each other. That girl at your high school who made out with that boy at the party? How about instead of talking badly about her while the guy gets high fives from his friends, you stand up for her? How about when a female colleague is doing well at work, you congratulate her and root for her instead of secretly hoping she'll fail? How about when you have the chance to put a woman in a position of power like, let's say, the President of the United States, you do it instead of looking for reasons not to do it?
Updated Rant, August 2017:
I think what I find most shocking of all about the current events taking place in the United States is not the fact there are Nazi's in the street killing people and the president isn't condemning them, or the fact that there's the actual possibility of a nuclear war with North Korea because the president doesn't think before he speaks; no, I don't find these things shocking. What I find shocking is that anyone out there is shocked by these things at all. I mean, how can you act surprised and appalled by anything that's happened? By anything that has been said? Oh, the man who literally gained favour by openly insulting every race (other than white of course) and was backed by white supremacists from the beginning is not doing anything about white supremacists yelling "Jews won't replace me"and roaming the streets with tiki torches? No way! Oh, the man who gets so insulted by satirical SNL skits he takes to Twitter like a twelve year old (sorry twelve year olds) didn't have a diplomatic reaction when "threatened" by North Korea but instead spewed forth vague and ridiculous threats of his own toward a country who's population has been taught since childhood that America is a war-loving country that will attack them one day so they better prepare? Weird! Who would've guessed!
These are just the latest ridiculous things to happen in a long line of ridiculous things that have happened since he stepped into office. It is not shocking.
You know what I do find shocking though? That it's been allowed to carry on this long. In a free and democratic country, how has the leader been allowed to conduct himself the way he has to this point?
Because people are apathetic. They don't think they can do anything about it so they don't do anything about it. They laugh at the ridiculous Tweets and bills being passed, then get filled with outrage and share a few videos on social media, then go about their day. But people do have the power to do something.
When the presidency started out with the Women's March, I had hope. Hope that the people who saw this man for who he was, who saw what a mistake their country had made, were not going to let it simply happen. But here we are.
So now what? A man cheats on his wife and gets impeached. Seems fair. A man is openly misogynistic, racist, ignorant and ill-informed/prepared for his position - somehow gets a chance to run a country. Okay, weird. On top of numerous disastrous things including leaking classified information to the Russians, that man then makes the first steps to start a nuclear war and allows Nazi's to kill people in the streets. Still not impeached? No? Okay. I guess they draw a hard line at fooling around with an intern.
So aside from sending the president an intern who looks exactly like him (the only person he'd probably be interested in getting with), what's the plan here? Now what?
All I know is when I start school in two weeks time, I will have a classroom of students who will want to talk about it. Even though it is not happening in our country, it is happening on a world stage with a lot of eyes - many young and impressionable - watching. They will want to share their thoughts and they will ask questions. They will want to know what I think. And unlike the president, I will not pause or falter when I tell them this is an absolute outrage. It is not acceptable and it is deeply troubling - many things that have happened since the election and amplifying in the form of the white supremacists storming the streets.
But I will also tell them they have the power. I will tell them they can become informed voters, active citizens and they can make sure something like this never happens again. They can stand true to the Canadian ideals of equality and helping our fellow human beings. I will emphasize the fact that girls and boys are equal; they have many differences but in those differences are strengths, and they deserve the same amount of respect. I will remind them that love is love, and that different cultures and colours are what make the world an amazing place and nobody is "better" than anyone else because of their skin tone. And above all, as I look out at the classroom of faces of my new students which will be half female, and include children with Middle Eastern backgrounds, African and Asian backgrounds, First Nation backgrounds, and Caucasian backgrounds, with different religions and possibly even different sexual orientations, I will be silently hoping that the world starts showing them what I'm saying is true instead of what it is showing them right now.
