Parenting Tips from a Teacher's Perspective Round 2: 2019 Edition

Well first of all, hello again!  Secondly, no this is not a Bachelor related post - although maybe that's not too far behind.  No, this is a post I decided I need to make, since talking about these things with other teachers in the staffroom or venting to my husband doesn't seem to be solving anything - shockingly.  This is a post for the parents out there, and it may make you feel uncomfortable.  Which means you're probably doing some of these things.  I like to think feeling uncomfortable, or offended, is simply the first step in self-reflection.  Self-reflection is the next step towards change.
You can choose to listen to me, or not, just know I am not randomly spewing my opinions.  I am sharing with you what I have seen and learned over my thirteen years of teaching children of various ages from all types of backgrounds.  I am letting you in on the staffroom conversations between teachers.  I am  - God forbid - giving you a little taste of the venting I do to my husband.

Several years ago, I did a post on parenting tips from a teacher's perspective.  For that take a look here:  Tips for Parents from a Teacher's Perspective

These things are all still applicable, I'm just going to add to them here.  Why?  Because over the years I've been teaching, I've watched the parenting styles and children's mentality/behaviour change - and not for the better.  And I'm sorry to say it's my generation that's screwing it up.  Of course I'm generalizing and not talking about absolutely everyone.  But before you breath easy and think "she must not be talking about me", read on.

You Are A Parent, Not A Friend
Before you get all defensive and think "no I'm best buddies with my kid and it's fine" hear me out.  I have seen an increase in the number of parents who are trying to be "cool"by acting more like a friend than a parent.  The problem?  Who's their parent?  Who disciplines them or guides them when they need it?  You were just singing hardcore rap in the car with them dropping f-bombs together, you no longer have any authority.  The greater problem? They now don't recognize any authority.  Why should they?  They've never been told to respect adults, as you've put them on a level playing field with you.  So when they act out in school and the teacher or principal gives them consequences, they don't care.  In fact most "cool" parents will talk trash about the school with their kid.
If you've always treated them as an equal, a buddy who you use as a confidante to talk about all your issues with, you have done the following:
1. Unfairly involved your kid in an adult world, making them think about/deal with things they shouldn't have to yet.  Essentially taking away their childlike innocence.
2. Taught them that adults aren't superheroes.  Now, we know this.  But remember when you were a kid and you thought your parents knew everything?  Do you also remember the moment you realized they don't?  That was a huge paradigm shift for me, and didn't happen until I was in my teens.  Imagine never thinking that.  Imagine never feeling like your parents knew what they were talking about, because they opened up to you from the beginning and revealed their frailty.  Imagine your parent is the slightly awkward kid at school, trying to desperately gain your approval by attempting to be "cool".  Sure, you can listen to whatever music you want!  You bet you can play Fortnite until midnight on a weekday, let me play with you!  Battle Royale b***es!  Oh you want to go to a party on a Thursday night?  Can I buy you booze?  You got an in-school suspension?  Not on my watch, stay home and we'll go to the mall!

If your child acts out or misbehaves, you have no recourse as you have taken away your own control.  They do not respect you as a parent, and you can't gain that control once you've given it away.  They keep skipping school because they don't care about consequences?  What are you going to do about it?  They won't help out around the house because they simply don't want to and you can't make them?  What do you expect?

This change in parenting towards more "friend" parents than parent-parents may be connected to the growing number of divorced families.  A "mom vs. dad who's cooler" competition.  "Which house do you have more fun at" game.  A "let's screw up our kids beyond all measure" type activity.
If you only have your child for the weekend, you want to have the best possible time, you don't want to bog that down with "parenting".  Students tell us: "I was at dad's this weekend and we ate McDonalds and played Call of Duty the whole time!"  This is a direct quote, I'm not making it up.  The kid was also off-kilter until Wednesday.
When you have one home where you are treated as an equal to the adults, getting to do whatever you want and never being told no because your parent is so "chill", this makes it supremely difficult for the other household that may be trying to properly parent them.  Hopefully.  The other alternative is you have two "fun-time" homes which will result in an a**hole kid who will grow up to be an a**hole adult.

In summary, when you are more a friend than a parent:

Expectation: My child and I have the best and closest relationship.  We can talk about anything.  All the other kids think I'm so cool!  My kid must love me because I never say no.

Reality: Your child is entitled and has no respect for authority.  More than likely they will be extremely difficult to guide through their teen years.  They love you, but they don't respect you.  Don't believe me ?  Ask them to do something without using any form of bribery.

Solution: Remember you are the parent.  It is your responsibility to raise a successful and contributing human being.  This means you will need to tell them no, they will need to yell "I hate you" numerous times, you will need to be the bad guy.  Is it harder than being a friend?  Yes.  Will it pay-off in the long run because you haven't added another a**hole into society?  Yep.  And you can grow a friendship with your child over time in an appropriate way, without losing their respect or your authority.
   

Video Games: A Battle Royale
I mentioned Fortnite earlier briefly, and here we shall revisit it.
First of all, we had video games growing up.  I remember watching my brothers play Zelda for hours (I never had interest in playing but I liked watching the Lord of the Rings-ish land).  This is not about video games, this is about the video games kids are playing now - and the boundaries given (or not) by parents.
There are kids in my school, an elementary school, who play Grand Theft Auto.  For anyone who doesn't know what that game is, you essentially steal cars, swear, deal drugs and kill people with various weapons.  As a bonus, you can also have sex with hookers and if you want, you can kill them when you're done.  I have heard nine and ten year olds talking about how they play this game.  When the latest edition was released, there were kids in my class then counting down until they would buy it - correction, until their parents would buy it.  Am I the only one who sees countless problems with this??
Then we've got online games, where kids can interact with people from all over.  My understanding is this interaction consists of swearing at each other and insulting mothers.  And that's the best case scenario, because you could be talking to a fellow grade six student Billy who is really middle-aged predator Barry.  Want to meet in real life Billy?  Here's where I live!
Fortnite is taking over - and if you don't know what I'm talking about, chances are you aren't around kids.  And maybe you haven't heard the word Fornite but you better believe you've seen kids everywhere doing the dumb dances.
The other fun thing about Fortnite is it tricks you into paying money.  Get your parent's credit card to purchase a new "skin", everyone on the team is doing it!
*Sidenote: real story - a grade three student was chatting online with a "teammate" while playing Fortnite and the person started asking them for personal information.  They thought it was a friend and told them where they lived, etc.  It turned out to be an adult man.

There are actually video game rehab centres now.  I'm not making that up, you can search it if you don't believe me.  "He just won't stop playing, he gets mad when I tell him to" YOU'RE THE PARENT.  How has it gotten to a point where we're too scared of our kids to tell them what to do???  "He's addicted and I don't know what to do" Who bought the devices is he playing on?  With whose wifi is he accessing the game?  HOW IS VIDEO GAME REHAB EVEN A THING???

I am by no means saying kids shouldn't play video games; I am saying they need boundaries.  Censor what they play and how much they play BECAUSE YOU CAN.  You're the parent - you bought the device, you provide the wifi, and it is your responsibility to help your child learn self-control.
Otherwise you can wait and try to teach them boundaries when they're thirty-seven and still playing video games in your basement where they live.



Lawnmower Parents
In my last post on parent tips, I discussed "helicopter parents".  Good news: there aren't as many any more.  Bad news: we now have something worse.  And a lot of them.  We have "lawnmower parents".  What are those you ask?  Much like a lawnmower, these parents walk ahead of their child mowing down all the "long grass" - obstacles -  in their child's way. (Another term for this is "bulldozer parent")
What's the difference between the two?
Helicopter parents hover around, constantly checking in on their kids to make sure they can swoop in and help/get involved/make excuses whenever something difficult comes up or their child needs to deal with something.
Lawnmower parents don't even give the chance for their child to come across any situation of difficulty.  They get it out of the way so their child can run blissfully amongst the freshly trimmed grass, unaware there may have been something to trip them up.  What's the problem with that?
"I don't want my child to have anxiety" (by the way, "anxiety" is the new ADHD - every parent wants you to know their child is anxious).  Here's a newsflash: anxiety is good.  It is a natural human response and it's what makes us think twice about putting our hand on a flame.  It's what makes us study for a test so we feel prepared, it's what stops us from getting too close to a steep edge.  If you mow down all adversary for your child because you're worried about them having high anxiety, guess what?  You actually just put them at a huge disadvantage.  They have now never developed any strategies to deal with healthy anxiety or stress.  You have taken away your child's human ability to develop coping mechanisms, and when you're not around?  They will be lost and overwhelmed, unable to problem solve.

Scenario 1:
You're at the park with your toddler.  They stumble crookedly towards the sandbox where they trip on the wooden frame and fall into the sandbox.  They're not hurt but they cry.

Parent 1: runs over saying "are you okay are you okay oh my goodness" then picks up the crying toddler and leaves the park.

Parent 2: looks over and cheerfully says "you're okay!" and continues about their business, not making a big deal out of it.

Parent 3: never let the toddler walk to the sandbox by themselves in the first place, but led them by hand, sat them inside, then sat on the edge of the wooden frame to make sure none of the other kids in there are mean to their kid.

Which of these responses will lead to a confident, resilient child?  Which will lead to a child who cries over everything because it always makes their parent come running?  Which will lead to a child who simply cannot handle themselves on the playground?

Scenario 2:
Your child has some tricky homework to complete that has been assigned for a while.  They've left it to the last minute and therefore will most likely be unable to complete it before they need to go to bed.

Parent 1: emails the child's teacher saying "he had hockey tonight and ran out of time to finish his homework.  Can he have an extension so he can have more time to finish it?"

Parent 2: tells the child "too bad, this has been assigned for a while.  It is your responsibility to complete your homework in time.  Therefore you can deal with the consequences of not having your homework done when you go to school tomorrow.  Next time maybe you'll be more responsible."

Parent 3: tells their child to go to bed and stays up finishing their homework for them so they don't get in trouble.

Which of these responses will lead to a responsible person with work ethic?  Which will lead to a person who has no accountability and struggles later in life with completing any work?

I'm hoping at this point you're starting to see which parent is the helicopter parent, which is the lawnmower parent and which parent teachers would like you to be.

I also hope you realize your style of parenting begins the minute your child is born.  Everything you do is molding the person your child will become.  Is that scary?  Yep.  Is that a daunting task?  Absolutely.  But you also brought a human being into the world and your responsibility is to make sure they are a contributing member of society.  Too bad.  This is your job.
It is a teacher's job to help you with this - not do it for you.  Over the last several years teachers have watched accountability, responsibility, problem solving skills, and resiliency become solely the responsibility of the schools - and this doesn't work.  We only have your child for ten months - you have them for life.
Don't rescue your child, or even worse, don't stop them from failing in the first place.  Failure is a key component of learning.  Don't get in the way of adversity your child may face - that's how they acquire the skills to overcome obstacles.
I know helicopter and lawnmower parents have the best of intentions; they do everything they do out of love for their child.  They want them to have the best life possible.  But I am telling you - and any teacher or child psychologist will tell you this also - in order for them to have the best life possible, you need to back off.  You need to let your kid cry.  You need to let them have conflicts with other kids.  You need to watch them fail again and again.  These kids will learn responsibility, how to problem solve, resolve conflicts, pick themselves up and try again.  They will not have high anxiety; on the contrary, they have learned to deal with healthy anxiety.

Please please please give your children a chance to be successful - through adversity and failure.

Phones
I have saved the best for last.  Except by "best" I mean ABSOLUTE WORST.
Actual things happening: the exchange of "nudes" at the junior high level (that's 12 to 14 year olds) is one of the biggest problems schools are dealing with.  Suicide rate in young girls is on the rise.  The actual chemical make-up of adolescent minds is changing due to staring at a glaring screen late into the night.  Attention issues.  Lack of sleep.  Depression.  Lack of social skills. 
"But what if my kid needs to get ahold of me?" Better get them an iPhone 8 with access to the internet and social media.  A simple flip phone just won't do - or I don't know, maybe they could use the school phone???  Or a phone at the facility they're at??
Giving an eleven year old a device worth several hundred dollars that has the ability to take and send pictures, look up anything they want (newsflash - no matter what you search, something sexual will come up) and send/receive nasty messages, has access to addicting and at times inappropriate games, is an obvious recipe for disaster.  Yet somehow I find iPhones falling out of kids pockets in the hallway at an elementary school.  I deal with SnapChat issues.  I have more cyber bullying conversations than I can count (this year is not as bad as years past because a number of my students don't have phones - a rarity). 
I understand the pressure to get your kid a phone, because if all of their peers have a phone, how do you tell them they can't handle a phone yet?  The answer: parents need to work together.  You need to plan with the parents in your child's friend group and make a plan to hold off on getting your kids phones until way later - like sixteen years old.  Will they still have issues at that age?  Yep.  But again, that is where you come in as a parent; it is your job to set boundaries and pay attention to what your child does on their device.  If you tell your kid the only way they're getting a phone is if you know their password, the chance of you finding naked photos of them or nasty texts is greatly reduced.  If your child knows you can ask to look at their phone at any time,  maybe they'll understand that it is not their right to have a phone and do as they wish with it - it is a PRIVILEGE. 
And don't give me any "that's an invasion of privacy" BS - it is absolutely not.  It is an act of parenting, in the interest of your child's safety and good character.  Looking at your kid's phone is not like reading their diary - unless their diary has the ability to bully other kids or be bullied by other kids, send or receive child pornography (of themselves or their peers), sell them drugs etc.  Also, remember the part where you're the parent?  And you probably bought the phone?  Pay the monthly bill?  That's not your kid's phone, it's yours.  And it's your responsibility to PAY ATTENTION.


Check this out: Today's Parent Age by Age Guide to Smartphones


I may be coming across like quite the jerk here - but I'm okay with that.  And you should be okay with being a jerk in your kid's eyes sometimes too.  Having your kid think you're a jerk is better than raising an actual full-out jerk.

Again, parenting is an incredibly hard job.  You don't always know what you're doing; maybe you never know what you're doing.  But it is your job.  It should not be easy.  If it's easy, chances are you're letting your kid get away with more than you should.  It is not your job to do everything for them or go running every time they call; they just need boundaries and guidelines to follow that you have put in place.

You can take these "tips" into consideration or not.  You can be annoyed at the things I've said or wonder if you're doing these things and make necessary changes.  It's your call.  Nothing big on the line here, just the future of humanity.

This Just In: (Shockingly) It's a Man's World

**This post was originally written the day after the American Presidential election.  I ended up not posting it, as I felt it would get lost in the thousands of ranting posts out there.  Well here it is.  One more ranty post for you.  I've added an updated rant at the bottom**

November 2016:

Am I making this post due to recent political events?  Maybe.  But not entirely.  I just have a few thoughts I want to share.

I was more than lucky the way I was raised and by whom I was raised, and one of the reasons I was lucky was I grew up honestly thinking girls and boys were equal.  Men and women were equal.  I didn't question for a minute that there would be any difference between my life and a boy's.

I didn't think too much about it when the boys teams would get wildly upset if they lost to my girls' team in hockey.  I didn't question it when in junior high we were told we needed to watch what we wore so we didn't distract the boys.  I was only slightly bugged that in every tv commercial selling cleaning products a woman was featured, the ones for kids' board games had the boys winning, and shows like The Fresh Prince of Belair (which I love) glorified a guy who played girls - only hot girls of course - and made fun of those darn ditsy women (thanks Hilary Banks).

I started to think it was odd when people would be surprised when they saw the marks I got on a university midterm.  Or when guys would say things like "you're actually funny" as if it was a surprise.  I began to notice how I was treated differently on days I didn't wear a big, baggy sweatshirt to class.

Then I led volunteer projects in the Dominican Republic.  It was an amazing experience, and it was also an awakening in a lot of ways.  I led my first few projects with a male partner, who continuously pointed out how different men and women were.  Women are always talking, women are emotional, women don't think the same way.  I'm not saying he was wrong, but I didn't see these things as a weakness.  It took me weeks to earn his respect, weeks before he admitted he would've been lost without me there, weeks before he outwardly asked me for help.  Weeks longer than he easily gave his respect to the other male lead we'd meet with once every two weeks.
The same summer, I then moved to lead another project with another male partner.  He was quieter, didn't say anything to make me think he thought less of me because I was a woman.  But he showed me.
We were building a house for a family, starting with the foundation, as well as working with the children in the village.  I was in charge of the children's program, my partner in charge of the construction.  I walked by the site and they were having trouble.  I asked what was going on and my partner told me the cement wasn't hardening fast enough, it was too wet.  I looked around and suggested they use some of the gravel/dirt that the road was made out of and stir it in to thicken it up. I even took a shovel and added a bit.  He and the Dominican workers said it wouldn't work, with a chuckle, and essentially patted me on the head to send me on my way.  Silly woman.  Go run now and play with the kids.  Look at her in her tank top and shorts.
I left and when I walked by a half hour later, guess what they were doing?  I went over and my partner literally described to me how they were mixing gravel/dirt from the road and the cement was thickening up.  He explained it like he and the guys had thought of it.  I didn't even know what to say.
He later admitted he would not have completed the project without me.  Only took a month to earn his respect.

But these are petty things to what I witnessed in terms of what it means to be a woman while I was in the Dominican.  I saw that when girls turned about seven or eight years old, they no longer got to play like the boys did. They had little baby brothers or sisters on their hips or they were in the houses cleaning.  I learned how little girls could not go out to use the bathroom at night because it was common knowledge men would pull them into the sugar cane fields and rape them.  I learned that men would go to the poor Haitian refugee villages and find pretty young girls to turn them into prostitutes.  One time I was out for dinner and overheard two large, old white men bragging to each other about the things they had done with their young prostitutes the night before.  As I sat there shaking with rage, knowing what kind of conditions those girls came from and what choices they had in life, I wondered what I could possibly say to them.  What kind of consideration would those kinds of people give to words from "some emotional woman"?  I noticed many half caucasian children in the poor villages, being raised by their young, Haitian mothers.  Wonder where the dads were?


I know it's different in Canada.  But is it?  When there are stories about guys taking advantage of girls who've had too much to drink, the first thing people tend to think is "those girls have to be more careful.  They shouldn't drink that much"  What???  How is that the thought??  We still have men thinking they can speak up about what a woman chooses to do with her body.  We still have inequality when it comes to pay, which blows my mind.  I'm lucky to have a government job so I don't experience this.  However, it all comes back to the amount of time I need to prove myself, the amount of time I need to put in to earn respect, when it is immediately given to my male counterparts. I'm not complaining, I know that's just how it is.  And the terrible part is, this is not just when it comes to interactions with men - it goes for fellow women as well.
In fact, women are the worst culprits.  We are terrible to each other.  We are way harder on each other than men are on us.  And God forbid someone's younger or prettier than you, immediately start looking for a reason to hate them.  More successful than you?  Well they must suck at something. Running for president?  Not on my watch.  Let's find a reason to pick her apart, that b*tch.

I am not necessarily a feminist - although, if I was, there's nothing wrong with that - and I'm absolutely not against men at all.  I'm just saying it like it is.  And when I said "feminist" why did you want to roll your eyes?  Because there's a negative connotation with that word and what it stands for.
It's about equality, not being better than men, just being equal.

I am constantly underestimated.  The interesting this is, not when it comes to my students.  Because I'm their teacher, respect is something that comes intrinsically with the role, so they don't question it. They don't look at me like I'm a woman (at least, not until their hormones start flying around spring time) they look at me like I'm their teacher who has important things to say.  It's a nice feeling to have people assume you have something to contribute rather than assume you don't.

**I'd like to give a shout out to my husband, who has said from the beginning how much he loves me for my brain - one of the only guys to make me feel like my mind and personality are the most important parts of me.  The other guys being my brothers and my dad.**

Women have come a long way, a very long way.  However, technology, social media and the internet are doing their part to make sure we take a few steps back every day.  This is happening in the form of images young girls feel they have to live up to, not just because they see them in ads but now because they're also all over their social media feeds in all their filtered glory.  Here's an app that puts pretty flowers on your head, makes your eyes bigger and face more slender.  Here's countless pictures of girls posing in underwear in front of their bathroom mirrors, in fact, add your own!  Don't worry, you can edit the picture to make yourself as skinny as the other girls on your friends list.
Hey fellas, we're you starting to think girls were your equal and not just there to make you happy? Don't worry, the internet has billions of videos - full of incredibly unrealistic situations - showing you that girls do in fact exist for your every desire and whim with no type of clarification that the videos are just as much fiction as Avatar (you can probably actually find Avatar themed ones).  Start secretly watching these videos at age twelve, until indefinitely, then somehow go about your daily life treating the girls and women around you with respect and as equals - without picturing them naked.  Thanks internet.

With all of this being said, call me crazy that for a moment I was excited to see a woman in the position of power that is the President of the United States.  Go ahead, say something like, "well we just didn't want it to be her".  That's ridiculous.
I could go on about how her competition is literally a joke that's gone on too far, but that would take away from the fact that she should have won regardless.  She was exactly what the world needed. And anyone with crap to say about all the "backroom deals" and "shiftiness": where did you find out all this intel?  Didn't know civilians were privy to top secret FBI info.  Ever thought the media could've made some things up?  Exaggerated some things?  Why would the media ever do that?!
The reality is, if she were a man, she would've been elected.  That's that.  But people are more comfortable with a loud man shouting "black people are lazy, Mexicans are rapists, grab her in the p***y" than they are having a woman for a leader.

When this happened, I was pretty discouraged, along with a world of people.  I was discouraged because this man had done and said countless terrible things, throughout his entire business career and life in general, and had still won against a woman - and I had to somehow explain this to the students in my class.
They had been watching the campaign alongside a world of children, and were equally shocked and dismayed as I was.  Not because I had swayed them in any direction, but because they see it like it is.
In school we talk about accepting and appreciating differences, we talk about how girls and boys should be treated the same, we talk about how every race, religion and culture is equal, we discuss how we need to protect the environment and start making some changes to reduce the effects of climate change, and since kindergarten, we've ingrained it into the kids to share, speak politely to others, keep your hands and feet to yourself, and to BE KIND.  Then a man who is literally spewing the opposite of all of these things comes along and is chosen to represent a country.  The kids are confused.
I was confused.
Then I finally realized, for once and for all, that it's a man's world.  That's just it.

What has happened just solidified my thoughts on this.  And to clarify something: if you actually try to justify what's happened here, you will not change my opinion about this situation - you will change my opinion of you.

I know there are things I will not agree on with everyone I meet.  I know there are controversial topics I need to avoid with certain people in my life because I care about my relationship with them even though I don't understand how they can think the way they do.  This is life.

But I don't think there's anyone out there who can disagree that it's a man's world.  I used to hear that saying and roll my eyes.  But my eyes have stopped rolling.
To reiterate something one more time: I am not saying anything against men.  That's not at all what this is about.  This is me just venting about my realization that this is - somehow - how it is.  I'm not looking for a debate and I'm not trying to talk solely about the election (that would be a nine-thousand page post on its own).

I want girls and women out there to know that although you may not be considered as equal to men, and although it may take more work for you to be respected or taken seriously, we have a way of succeeding: wishing success on each other.  Speaking kindly about each other.  Not outwardly judging each other.  That girl at your high school who made out with that boy at the party?  How about instead of talking badly about her while the guy gets high fives from his friends, you stand up for her?  How about when a female colleague is doing well at work, you congratulate her and root for her instead of secretly hoping she'll fail?  How about when you have the chance to put a woman in a position of power like, let's say, the President of the United States, you do it instead of looking for reasons not to do it?


Updated Rant, August 2017:

I think what I find most shocking of all about the current events taking place in the United States is not the fact there are Nazi's in the street killing people and the president isn't condemning them, or the fact that there's the actual possibility of a nuclear war with North Korea because the president doesn't think before he speaks; no, I don't find these things shocking.  What I find shocking is that anyone out there is shocked by these things at all.  I mean, how can you act surprised and appalled by anything that's happened?  By anything that has been said? Oh, the man who literally gained favour by openly insulting every race (other than white of course) and was backed by white supremacists from the beginning is not doing anything about white supremacists yelling "Jews won't replace me"and roaming the streets with tiki torches?  No way!  Oh, the man who gets so insulted by satirical SNL skits he takes to Twitter like a twelve year old (sorry twelve year olds) didn't have a diplomatic reaction when "threatened" by North Korea but instead spewed forth vague and ridiculous threats of his own toward a country who's population has been taught since childhood that America is a war-loving country that will attack them one day so they better prepare?  Weird!  Who would've guessed!
These are just the latest ridiculous things to happen in a long line of ridiculous things that have happened since he stepped into office.  It is not shocking.
You know what I do find shocking though?  That it's been allowed to carry on this long.  In a free and democratic country, how has the leader been allowed to conduct himself the way he has to this point?
Because people are apathetic.  They don't think they can do anything about it so they don't do anything about it.  They laugh at the ridiculous Tweets and bills being passed, then get filled with outrage and share a few videos on social media, then go about their day.  But people do have the power to do something.
When the presidency started out with the Women's March, I had hope.  Hope that the people who saw this man for who he was, who saw what a mistake their country had made, were not going to let it simply happen.  But here we are.
So now what?  A man cheats on his wife and gets impeached.  Seems fair.  A man is openly misogynistic, racist, ignorant and ill-informed/prepared for his position - somehow gets a chance to run a country.  Okay, weird.  On top of numerous disastrous things including leaking classified information to the Russians, that man then makes the first steps to start a nuclear war and allows Nazi's to kill people in the streets.  Still not impeached?  No? Okay.  I guess they draw a hard line at fooling around with an intern.
So aside from sending the president an intern who looks exactly like him (the only person he'd probably be interested in getting with), what's the plan here?  Now what?

All I know is when I start school in two weeks time, I will have a classroom of students who will want to talk about it.  Even though it is not happening in our country, it is happening on a world stage with a lot of eyes - many young and impressionable - watching.  They will want to share their thoughts and they will ask questions.  They will want to know what I think.  And unlike the president, I will not pause or falter when I tell them this is an absolute outrage.  It is not acceptable and it is deeply troubling  - many things that have happened since the election and amplifying in the form of the white supremacists storming the streets.
But I will also tell them they have the power.  I will tell them they can become informed voters, active citizens and they can make sure something like this never happens again.  They can stand true to the Canadian ideals of equality and helping our fellow human beings.  I will emphasize the fact that girls and boys are equal; they have many differences but in those differences are strengths, and they deserve the same amount of respect.  I will remind them that love is love, and that different cultures and colours are what make the world an amazing place and nobody is "better" than anyone else because of their skin tone.  And above all, as I look out at the classroom of faces of my new students which will be half female, and include children with Middle Eastern backgrounds, African and Asian backgrounds, First Nation backgrounds, and Caucasian backgrounds, with different religions and possibly even different sexual orientations, I will be silently hoping that the world starts showing them what I'm saying is true instead of what it is showing them right now.

Tips For Parents (A Teacher's Perspective)

I am not a parent.  I do not know the best way one can parent a child.  However, I have worked with children since I was fifteen (half my life) first at a daycare then swimming lessons then in the Dominican Republic and finally, several years of teaching.  There are many things I've figured out over this time, mostly throughout the teaching years, that I've found benefit children significantly.  I've listed some of these "tips" or "points to remember" below:

Books
These should be around starting before your child is born.  I'm not joking, expectant parents should be reading to their child while it is still in the womb.  And when it's a tiny blobby baby seemingly capable of nothing other than eating, pooping and sleeping?  Read to it.  Every night.  All the time.  By the time your child is two years old, they should be taking the book from your hands, turning the pages themselves because they've seen it done a million times and know how it works.  They should be pretending to read as soon as they can utter sounds; not joking, this is a crucial part of learning to read.  In developmental psychology, they talk about this being very important - the act of a child flipping through the pages of a book and retelling what it says based on the pictures and having heard the story several times before; that's why kids like to read the same book again and again.  They like to know it so they can "read" it too.  Your kid should arrive in kindergarten with the basics for reading ready to go.
And if you hate reading?  Pretend you love it.  Fake read all the time.  You holding a book and reading in front of your child is one of the best things you can do for them.
I had a student who struggled with reading big time.  Her parents came in to meet with me to see what I could do to help her; because after all, reading is a school activity so school should be solely responsible for getting a child to read, right?  I asked them if they read with her at home - their response?  "We hate reading".  Congratulations for f***ing up your child and making her life a trillion times harder.
Why?  Because - and take this from a teacher's perspective - if your child is a strong reader, they are going to fly through school, and more than likely, life.  They will understand things easily, they will write better, they will spell more proficiently and they will have a greater vocabulary.  They will excel in every subject area, not only language arts, because reading is involved with EVERYTHING.  Try teaching social studies, science and even math without reading - it's super difficult.  But I have to find a way to do this and to assess kids without them reading or writing because there are children whose parents didn't see the importance of reading.  Life is too busy, we're tired at the end of the day etc etc.  Every day should end with a book in your child's hands or in your hands being read to them.
Now even if you do all this, your child may not be the strongest reader; but at least you gave them the chance to be.  And they're a lot better off than the kids whose parents didn't give them that opportunity. Even more important than giving them the opportunity to get better at reading, you're giving them the chance to love reading.  And if a child loves reading, they will read more just for fun, getting better and learning outside of school, on their own.
Books.  Not iPads or other screens only; sure they can help a child practice reading.  But get them familiar with the feeling of a book, the smell of a book, the excitement a book can bring.  Fiction, non-fiction, comic books - any kind, make them available and make your child's life and easier, more successful one.

Say No
Your child will not hate you.  In fact, they will respect you and the fact you give them structure.  This simple tip will help you create a better human being than the alternative would allow for.
Example: a teacher at the school was dreading a parent teacher interview because they had to tell the parents of a student that this student had been stealing things.  Like, items that belonged to the teacher that she wanted, she took them and put them in her backpack.  When the time came, the teacher let the parents know this had been happening.  And a light bulb went off in the mom's mind: "I have never said no to her.  I have never taken her to the mall and said no.  Ever"
Kids will push you.  There is no truer saying than "give someone an inch and they'll take a mile" than when it comes to kids.  They are always testing boundaries and wanting more; they're human after all.  The only way they will learn that they can't always get what they want, a crucial lesson in life if you want them to get along with other human beings and interact in a socially appropriate manner, is if you show them they can't always get what they want.
Don't bribe, or negotiate - just say no.  I also suggest you have a reason for saying no as opposed to "because I said so" because if they know the reason they are less likely to fight you on it.  "Can I have a chocolate bar?"  "No because it's almost supper time and you will ruin your appetite" or "They're not great for you, you can have a healthy snack".
I'm not saying always say no; just when it makes sense.  But don't feel guilty for saying no - every time you should say no and you say yes, please close your eyes and imagine your kid pushing another kid off the swing at recess because they want a turn.  Picture your kid not doing their schoolwork because they don't want to.  Picture your teenager telling you to f*** off (which will probably happen at some point either way) because you're finally trying to say no when it comes to them going to a party at a sketchy house, but you never said no to anything before so good luck with this one.

Every Story is Important
This is something I chant in my head daily.  When I'm hearing countless stories of grandma's house, dog antics, Lego and Minecraft achievements and secret handshakes made up at recess, I chant "every story is important".  It's barely audible in my head over the "HOLY CRAP I DON'T CARE" that wants to reside there, but I remind myself to chant this.  Everything your child shares with you is important.  Their story of how some juice spilled on the ground at lunch or how well they did during arts and crafts is the equivalent of you talking to your spouse about an exciting promotion at work or a frustrating interaction with a co-worker. It is just as important and significant to them; to ignore them or to tell them to be quiet shows them that what they have to say isn't valued and basically that's telling them what happens in their life isn't of importance to you.  If you ignore the seemingly inane stories about who played with who at recess, don't be surprised when your child doesn't share anything with you as they get older, especially during the volatile teenage years.  Just because their lives become more interesting and complex as they get older, doesn't mean that's the only time it's important to listen to them.  Their lives have always been interesting and complex to them, the whole way through.
It also shows the kids you care, and kids can tell when an adult cares about them within two seconds of meeting them.  In fact, the more you show them you care by listening to what they have to say, the more stories you're going to get.
Every story is important.

Stay Active
I'm starting to get very pessimistic about the direction we are going as people when it comes to being active in the world around us and interacting with each other.  Something that amplifies this for me occurs every week in my classroom.
Every Monday morning, as a part of our routine, my class gathers in the reading corner to talk about what we did on our weekends.  This is a really important part of creating a caring classroom environment (see point above) and if we somehow miss it, the kids are very upset.
In years past, kids would speak of going swimming with their family, doing various outdoor activities, crafts they'd made, sleepovers with friends, time spent with grandparents, books they'd read, games they'd made up, movies they went to, zoo visits and things of that nature, as well as an assortment of other positive busy weekend activities. There would be the odd student who spoke only of video games or said they did nothing, and inevitably those would also be the kids who were somewhat struggling in school.  But now, what's become more and more common, specifically in the last two years, when I ask the kids what they did on their weekends, they speak solely of video game achievement.  In fact, it usually takes me a second to realize they're not talking about real life because they talk about it in first person; "I built a new wall and I found a pickaxe"  (talking about Minecraft).  It's actually gotten to the point where I've told the kids they need to talk about things they've actually done in real life.  Unfortunately they then talk about video games they've bought or played over the weekend, or what they did on the iPad.  It's super depressing.
My plea to you parents out there is to please make sure you do at least one active thing with your kids on the weekends; it doesn't need to cost money.  Build a snow fort, go sledding, make a fort in your living room. Take them swimming or skating; do something that will create lasting childhood memories as opposed to a fake world projected through a screen.
Kids need to be physically active.  They are little balls of energy that are constantly moving.  Don't believe me?  Go to a school assembly and watch the sitting crowd literally waving, swaying and fidgeting back and forth.  As everyone knows, we are experiencing a higher rate of childhood obesity in this generation due to an increasingly sedentary lifestyle thanks to technology and busy, generally both working, parents.  In fact, shown in a very sad study, this will be the first generation to have a shorter life expectancy than the one that came before it.  Throughout time people have had longer and longer life expectancy thanks to advances in medicine and better living conditions.  However, now we have higher rates of type 2 diabetes in kids and an increase in heart disease that is causing the life expectancy to shorten. This is terrible.
We now have mandatory DPA, daily physical activity, as a part of our curriculum in school.  This means that if the children don't get gym that day, we have to do thirty minutes of physical activity with them outside of recess.  On top of just a few other minor things we need to do with them throughout the day, like teach.  This is because kids are not getting enough activity at home (this is generalizing and based on province and country-wide studies).  Gone are the days kids would head out the door and hop on their bikes or take a sled to a nearby hill; no, now the "bad guys" will get them.  And how much easier is it to have your kid sit on the couch on an iPad than to take them to the swimming pool?  Ya I may be being a bit of a jerk about this, but I have seen what's happening and it is depressing.  Keep your kids active and be actively involved with them yourselves!  Better health, better spirit, better childhood.

High Expectations
Place high expectations on your child.  They will achieve what you expect them to, and if they're unable, they will at least strive for it.  Too many times I've heard parents and teachers say "that's too hard for him" or "she's too young to do that" and most of the time, it's in front of the child being talked about.  This creates a self-fulfilling prophecy; now the child will definitely not achieve what is being talked about because they've been told they can't before they even try.  Kids can do a lot.  In fact, if you show them you trust them and respect them enough to ask something big of them, they come through every time.  They like to be given the opportunity to prove themselves, especially if you make it clear you expect the best from them.  Simple phrases like "you can do that no problem" or "this will probably be easy for you" make a task go from impossible to completed well.
I remember when I taught swimming lessons, the hardest thing for the kids to get was the proper whip-kick (the kick for breaststroke).  They would never get their knees together or flex their feet properly.  I decided to try something one time, after teaching it several different ways again and again.  I started telling the kids they were totally getting it and they could only get better from there on.  I told them they were getting their knees together correctly and flexing their feet in just the right way; I also stopped telling them it was the hardest thing they'd learn in swimming strokes.  What happened?  Every kid could all of a sudden do whip-kick.
This won't happen every time I'm sure.  But expect big things and let the kids know you have high expectations of them.  Make them nervous to disappoint you rather than satisfied with mediocre because they know that's all you ask of them anyways.
And for goodness sake, don't sit in a parent-teacher interview and say to me, in front of your child, "he's never been good at math, just like me.  I hate math too" for you have just solidified your child not trying his best in math and helped him justify why he struggles; after all, you hate math too.  And he knows you expect him to perform poorly, so he will.  This has happened more often than you'd think, with varying subject areas.
Set high expectations.


Let Your Kids Do Things For Themselves
I can not stress this enough.  When I get a student who has a parent (usually mom, sorry ladies) who does everything for them, it completely manifests itself in the form of the child having no work ethic or organizational skills.  If you are walking your child to the door of his classroom, unpacking his backpack for him, tying his shoes and hanging up his coat, and you're the only parent doing that while twenty other grade twos do all of those things for themselves, you are creating a lazy human being.  True fact.  When it comes time for you to leave - which is usually after a weird amount of hovering in these particular parents' case - your child is then literally floundering for the rest of the day at school.  What do you mean I have to write my own story?  Do my own math?  Get ready for recess myself?  Find my own agenda or put my pencils and markers away nicely?  Doesn't someone usually do this for me?  Sorry buddy, but at school we actually feel you are a competent human - or at least we're trying to make you into one.
Because these kids are just that - competent.  They are able to unpack their own backpack and even get their own shoes on believe it or not; and if for some reason they're not, you know how they learn?  By doing it.  When you take away the opportunity for them to learn how to do something for themselves, you are becoming a detriment to their development.  But what if they do it wrong?  Good.  Then they learn even faster when they trip on their shoelace that was poorly tied or their backpack gets thrown in the lost and found because it was lying in the hallway.
Of course I'm not only talking about school; that's just where I see it obviously.  These same parents probably do the same for their kids at home too.  These kids will then grow into adolescents who don't help out around the house and have no desire to get a job.  They will then be people who, if they manage to get a job, take no initiative or show no work ethic, instead just waiting for things to be done for them.
Kids want to do things for themselves.  They want to help out, the younger the more they want to do.  Let them.  Let them try.  Let them fail.  Because if you let them fail, they will find a way to succeed.  If you're not allowing them to fail, you are not allowing them to succeed either.

^^No^^

Be Involved
This seems a bit hypocritical coming right after the previous point, but I don't mean "be involved" to a helicopter parent kind of level.  I mean know your child's friends' names, their favourite subject in school, who they have a crush on, know when their field trips are, go to parent-teacher interviews, meet their friends' parents etc.  Basically this kind of goes with the "every story is important" plus effort when it comes to your child's school or extracurricular activities.  An involved parent is an informed parent; you will know more about your child's life, which will be increasingly important as your child gets older.

Healthy Lunches 
This goes with the point about being active in terms of the horrific rate of obesity in children, but I'm going to talk more about how it affects your kid mentally.  I have seen, time and again, the difference in kids who have big, nutritious lunches versus kids who have unhealthy lunches.  I tell my students they can't have any unhealthy snacks before recess time (11am).  I had a little boy come up to me and say "which snack can I have?" as he held up his lunch - which consisted of a Reese chocolate bar, bag of chips, pop and a Lunchable.  Ummm assuming we're to save the Lunchable for actual lunch time, what option is there for the hungry kid?  Chips at 10am I guess.  And this student is then a completely unfocused mess all afternoon; you would be too if that was what your lunch consisted of!  What you eat definitely has bearing on your productivity and mindset - especially if you're a seven year old!  Lunch full of junk food = junky afternoon getting nothing done but being told to focus and work.
I had another student whose mom would bring her McDonalds three times a week.  McDonalds.  THREE TIMES A WEEK.  You all know what you feel like after eating McDonalds; and it's not energetic, focused and ready to get sh** done.  This student would have her head on her desk falling asleep all afternoon.
What should be in your child's lunch?  The same as every other meal: every food group represented. Canada's Food Guide is free and available on the internet for anyone who looks for it.  "My kid won't eat vegetables!" They will if they're hungry enough.  You don't give them chocolate bars instead.

Gender Schmender 
If your little boy likes playing with dolls, it doesn't mean they will grow up to like kissing other men. Shocking thought, I know.  I'm not at all saying that's a bad thing, I'm just pointing out that playing with dolls doesn't determine one's sexual orientation.  More likely he'll grow up to be a kind and nurturing father.  But people seem to think boys should play with "boy" things and girls should play with "girl" things.  Girls play house, dolls, dress-up or in their fake kitchens (how sexist is that sidenote) while boys build with blocks, toy cars, use toy "work shops" or play sports.
Kids playing is an important part of developmental psychology; the roles they play are actual helping to develop them socially.  So if you pigeon hole your kids into only acting out traditional stereotypical gender roles, you're putting them at a disadvantage.
Also, this is not only when it comes to toys kids play with.  There's also the case of kids' clothing too:

At this year's Teacher's Convention, I went to a session called Girls Gone Wild?: Raunch Culture which was essentially a look at how sexualized everything has become for young girls.  This whole idea of them being there for male pleasure, exemplified by every major female star posing semi-nude somewhere.  Even the female sports stars.  You're great at skiing?  Whatever, take your shirt off and pose on the front of this magazine so men won't feel threatened by you as an athlete.  Remind them you have boobs.
The presenter had a lot to say on the matter, and I'm not doing it justice here at all.  She also talked about how boys are effected by this too; they're now told, from a young age, that they're a "lady killer" and that if they don't want to have sex they're gay or a wuss.  Monogamy is for suckers. (**See pictures above** Also, I didn't want to search this on my computer for images, but the presenter also showed us pictures of a lingerie line launched in France for girls 4-6.  Yep.  And Victoria's Secret has a line of panties made for little girls that include a padded bra.  This is not made up.)

It doesn't help that kids these days are exposed to a lot more than we were via technology.  You may have filters on your internet, but it's scary how easily kids can access inappropriate material if they're not under supervision.  I've talked about this before, how young boys who watch -ahem- "movies" on the internet are getting a totally warped view of how sex works.  Basically teaching them that girls are insatiable and ready to go at any time, there only to perform acts pleasurable for the man.
In fact, the presenter talked about how young kids are now when they perform their first sexual act, and it is overwhelmingly the female doing something for the male.  Even sicker?  Studies show that teens who lose their virginity between twelve and eighteen leave the girl confused horrified because the boy "finished" in a less, um, traditional way/place.  Because that's what he's seen in the "movies".
I'm sorry if this information is shocking/depressing, but it's what was told to us at this session, among other things. And I know I'm going off topic here; what I guess I'm saying is please make sure you are raising strong, independent girls who know that intelligence is more important than looks and they deserve to be treated well by boys.  And please raise your boys to be kind and caring and respect women as equals. Also, of course, supervise your kids as they use technology! That's probably a whole separate point.


Cherish Them
This is the most important of all.  Without directly quoting Cat's in the Cradle (the song), it's important for you to remember how quickly time flies.  Especially when it comes to how fast kids grow up.
The other day, I was getting my class ready for dismissal when I looked up and there were three teenage boys standing at my classroom door, all of them taller than me.  I was a bit taken aback and asked, "Can I help you?" to which they replied - in incredibly deep voices I might add - "It's us Miss W!" It was three boys I taught my first year of teaching.  They are currently in grade nine, and although once I looked again I completely recognized them, they look like actual grown-ups.  I remember them running around my class like it was yesterday; I recalled one of them sitting on my lap and crying because he'd had a nightmare the night before.  Now he is taller than me and talking like a man.  It's just wild to think of all the growing up that can happen for kids in a seemingly short amount of time.  Remember this when you're stressing about a phase your child is going through, counting down the moments until they stop throwing tantrums in public places, telling you pointless stories for hours on end, or not leaving you alone.  One day they'll have no problem leaving you alone; they'll have their own life.  Just don't wish for them to grow-up faster.  Take every moment in; because growing up is the best thing that can happen - you don't even want to think of the alternative to growing up.  Either way, cherish them.


Kids Tell Their Teacher Everything
This is a cautionary tip for parents.  The following are actual things I've been told by kids over the years, none of these are made up:
"My dad loves rum!  He drinks it all the time!" - yelled excitedly during our unit on pirates.
"I couldn't sleep because my mom and dad yelled at each other all night" - shared during our discussion about our weekends
"My mom says I can't go on the field trip because we're poor and can't pay for it" - said in front of everyone with a smile on their face
"My mom has fungus on her feet.  She says she can't get rid of it.  I'm really worried about it" - told to me because a boy was reading a book all about mushrooms
"My dad has a pet snake.  I've never seen it but it's name is Trouser." - told to a kindergarten teacher by one of her students
"My dad does nothing.  He just lies on the couch all day.  He likes beer though" - told to me during a discussion about things our dads like to do when making a card for Father's Day
"My mom is on her phone all the time.  She's like, addicted to it and pretty much ignores us" - when I asked who put technology away for Family Day one year

I can't actually think of any more off the top of my head right now; but there have been countless times where a child has said something and I've cringed inwardly thinking "there's no way their parents would be happy to hear that our whole class got to know that".
Basically, your kids have no filter.  They will share whatever in front of whoever.  Just remember this - and I know it goes both ways!  I'm aware that what happens at school goes home too.  I've been told how often kids tell their parents "Miss W says . . ." so I'm always aware of what I'm saying.  "Miss W was wearing flip flops and it's November!" Well . . . I'm usually aware of what I'm doing.
I found this; it's perfect:

Anyways people, these are just some things I'd suggest if you want to be a positive part of creating the future of our race; if you want your child to be a happy, contributing member of society.
You are in charge of shaping a human.  The way they think, the way they interact with others and the opportunities that will be available in their future.  And this human will go out into the world armed only with what you've given them - and I'm not talking possessions here - and through interacting with other humans armed with what their parents gave them, they make up the future of our race and planet.  This is on you.

No big deal.

My Aunt Sue

Well, it's time for another serious post.  Because, like always, it was time for something truly serious to happen in life.  Something that puts everything into perspective once more.

I had mentioned in my last post that I had gone away to Toronto for the weekend.  This is because my Aunt Sue passed away from cancer.  Here's the story.
My Aunt Sue had been with my Uncle Mike, my dad's brother, ever since I can remember.  In fact, this June was their 25th anniversary.  They were a couple completely in love with, and suited for, each other.  When I was a kid, I remember thinking my Aunt Sue was the coolest, most beautiful person I knew.  And she actually probably was.  She had a great sense of style - not to mention humour - and she kept me mesmerized with her long blond hair and constant smile.
Eleven years ago, Aunt Sue and Uncle Mike decided they wanted to have children.  They seemed to be having trouble, so my Aunt went to the doctor to get things checked out.  Thank goodness she did; they discovered she had ovarian cancer.  This type of cancer has an incredibly low survival rate, as there are typically no symptoms until it's too late (sleep tight tonight ladies).  Luckily because they caught it early on, Aunt Sue had a fighting chance.  And fight she did.
For the past eleven years my aunt bravely faced her disease, collecting all kinds of books about cancer and how to beat it, changing her diet, travelling different places to try different treatments.  When she had been cancer free for almost five years, her and my uncle planned a trip to Paris.  Right before they were set to leave, tragedy struck - the cancer was back.  It was back to chemotherapy and hospital visits rather than the Eiffel Tower.
But my aunt was not the typical caner patient; after being diagnosed with the deadly disease and painfully enduring various treatments, she decided she would like to play hockey.  Ice hockey.  So she signed up and became completely in love and involved in the sport.
She also fell completely in love and involved with her nieces and nephews - her sisters' children.  When she was first diagnosed, she had only one niece.  Over the next eleven years of her fight with cancer, her sisters had two more children each.  These five kids became the biggest focus of my aunt's life.  Had she not caught her cancer as soon as she did, she would not have been around to become such a HUGE part of their lives.
At the celebration of life for my Aunt Sue, I was struck by how everyone who spoke said the same incredibly positive things about my aunt.  She was such an amazing person, and she was exactly who she was - consistently from her three sisters, the home care nurse and other family and friends, the same things kept coming up: how brave she was, her sense of humour, her zest for life, her love of my uncle and her family, her adventurous spirit, her kindness to everyone, her fearlessness.  Sitting there listening to everyone speak, I felt like I needed to do more with my life; to be more.  To tackle anything that comes my way with courage and grace.  To live  life my Aunt Sue could no longer live.
A few stories stuck out to me from the people who spoke.  One of her sisters talked about all of the books my Aunt Sue had about cancer.  She spoke about how hard she fought.  Then she said she noticed the books my aunt read started to change; she noticed they went from cancer books to books about the meaning of life.  About the Buddhist belief on the afterlife.  She became peaceful; no less brave and determined, but it was almost as if she realized the fight was coming to and end.  Another sister spoke about how she had said she was going to miss her and my Aunt Sue simply replied "I'll be around".  Her younger sister talked about one of the last times she saw my aunt, in the hospital, and she was telling my aunt of a friend she had who's mother died and for five weeks after she passed, the chimes in her room would chime even without a breeze.  My aunt was quiet for a moment, then said, "I'll see what I can do" with her signature smile.
Although it was an incredibly moving and powerful ceremony for my aunt, I couldn't stop thinking about my uncle.  They were absolutely soulmates and he had spent the last eleven years of his life fighting cancer too.  Any time my aunt needed to be carried, he carried her.  Any time she needed a better room at the hospital or faster treatment, he fought for it.  This year my aunt needed to get a tissue sample down to the States in order to be considered for a trial treatment; there was a severe storm and her tissue sample wasn't going to make it in time.  So my uncle took it himself - driving for hours straight in the storm, down to the States without stopping.
My Aunt Sue's fight with cancer was my Uncle Mike's fight with cancer.  Because my Aunt Sue's life was my Uncle Mike's life.
They were so clearly connected in every way; I can only hope they still are.

My Aunt Sue's sister's husband read this poem.  It was very moving - and somehow comforting:

Gone From My Sight

I am standing upon the seashore.

A ship at my side spreads her white

sails to the morning breeze and starts

for the blue ocean. 

She is an object of beauty and strength. 

I stand and watch her until at length 

she hangs like a speck of white cloud 

just where the sea and sky come 

to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says;

"There, she is gone!"

"Gone where?"

Gone from my sight. That is all. 

She is just as large in mast and hull 

and spar as she was when she left my side 

and she is just as able to bear her 

load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone

at my side says, "There, she is gone!"

There are other eyes watching her coming,

and other voices ready to take up the glad

shout;

"Here she comes!"